From 10 Oct 2012
Why aren't you asleep my love
What is bothering your mind
Daily work will never be solved
Just close your eyes and let it unwind
The night is so quiet and lonely
We wish to be together side by side
To talk and listen to willingly
Or just to behold tight
The distance between us is so far
Yet our thoughts for each other is so near
It is difficult, so difficult to ignore this feeling
Undescribable, unexplained to others but we both know
Many times this situation is hard
We have come this far, so we should fight
It is your words that keep me to fight
Sunday, March 29, 2020
Surviving 2nd year
From 21 Sept 2012Autumn is on its way. The day gets chiller that I had to take out a thicker jacket from the old suitcase. These are the last 40 days of my second year. Oh my, how time has flown. The moment I think about my family, I want to fast forward and leap to end of next year where I am supposed to complete my course. But when the amount of papers required to list down the 'undone tasks' is more than anticipated, I freak out and want to pause time. How funny it seems when we desire two opposite options at once depending on the bubble of our circumstances. When the dawn of the final year is approaching, the mind game gets tougher. This game has no standard rules and regulations. Victory is measured by the scale of the will power and determination.
Throughout the last 2 two years, I have had a wonderfully exciting experience. I also have images of myself representing the situations that I have gone through. For example, an image of myself
Survivng the 2nd year of PhD
Found in draft from 17 Oct 2013
In less than 2 weeks time, the door to the 3rd phase of PhD will be open. It has been 24 months Alhamdulillah; which means another 12 months before the scholarship ends! The journey has been amazing. It has been filled with many challenges, many new friends, a few achievments, loads of personal experience and self satisfaction. I am looking forward for many more to come but the ones I worry most are the future challenges.
In less than 2 weeks time, the door to the 3rd phase of PhD will be open. It has been 24 months Alhamdulillah; which means another 12 months before the scholarship ends! The journey has been amazing. It has been filled with many challenges, many new friends, a few achievments, loads of personal experience and self satisfaction. I am looking forward for many more to come but the ones I worry most are the future challenges.
Back to the topic of discussion, how to survive 2nd year? Honestly, I have no smart answer because to me year 2 runs out so fast! I felt like it just started and now it is approaching the end. My 2nd year has been a full year of data collection, data collection and data collection. In between data collection, there were many times I felt confused with my research and wished to start all over again with something totally new. Towards the end of year 2 when I have some data to play with, the fear of interpretation just gets worst and...when I think of deadlines, I wish to shout STOPPPPP and pause the present! At times like this, I think of what my brother, Tarmizi used to say to me during college days 'Expect the worst but hope for the best' - because I used to be obsessed with perfection in my work and got easily agitated when things did not work out as how I planned. Tarmizi calmed me down by saying those words; he is three years younger than I but matured enough to handle his eldest sister. As I entered working life, I learned that being a perfectionist can lead to self destruction - two men taught me this, my dad and Mr Wong Kok Thong, my first boss. So I guess, what helped me survived year 2 was (1) expect the worst while hoping for the best, (2) less of perfection but more of precision and (3) calm down overcome the fear.
Expect the worst but hope for the best
Tool: PhD gantt chart - adjust from monthly to weekly interval
Scenario: More work, More frustrations, Less time (for both, students and supervisors)
If you happen to read the entries on 1st year PhD survival, there was a point I eloborated about expecting the unexpected. I must say this is one of the best advice for PhD students. In one of those series, I also explained about the importance of the PhD gantt chart, and that is too a very important tool in year 2. In year 1, the mile stones were in a monthly interval. That was mainly because longer time was required to accomplish the tasks in year 1 for example - writing a research proposal, doing literature reviews and preparing PhD upgrade report. However, as I approached the 2nd half of year 2, my academic supervisor's advice was to adjust the gantt chart from monthly to weekly interval and this is also related to the urgency of the tasks in year 2 (everything must be done correctly fast, fast, fast in order to follow the timeline!!!) At this point, it is no surprise that the matters we least worry about can the be a major hindrance to our progress. For example, in my case, the ethical approval for the second project expected in August was dragged all the way to November and therefore, the study will only be initiated in January 2013 instead of September 2012! The effect of a weekly target gantt chart is amazing! It helped me to handle the worst case scenario better, and what was more important, it helped me to give descent time for my supervisors to look into the matter for an exit :)
Less of perfection but more of precision
Tool: PhD journal
Scenario: Same mistakes can not be repeated more than once!
Have a journal and use it to the fullest. In year 2, we go through a high speed of thinking process. Our idea evolved so rapid that there will be many times we doubt our understanding of our very own research. Perfection comes with practice but in PhD we do not have the luxury of time, therefore recording the mistakes that we encounter will be very helpful especially when it comes to writing the final thesis. I learned this from my supervisor Dr YJ - there was once in a supervision meeting that took place 4 months after my first year viva, I asked YJ a question about the research method. She took out her journal and turned to a page full of notes on what my viva examiner commented on that matter! She also kept track on the changes I made to the method - how I wish to photocopythat particular page of her journal! Another example, my data collection form was reformatted 8 times (without changing the original content as approved by the ethics committee). Along with the reformatting, the operational definition for the terminologies used in the form were also changed and improved - all these changes will give a major impact on data interpretation. However, if these changes were not consistently recorded, it would be near impossible for me to explain the development of idea in the thesis (after many-many months!)
And another important thing to share, Do Not keep DATA ENTRY to the end. Do it as you collect them, because we will encounter several trials and error along the way. It is best to learn the mistakes at an early phase rather than later.
Calm down overcome the fear
Tool: Special skill courses; Present your work
Scenario: Is my work worth doing? Who will be interetsed in my work? OMG!!! How do I do this?
No, it is never too late, please find time to attend the special skill courses and make a point to share your work. No matter how busy we may be in year 2, do not neglect to reflect what courses should we attend to equip ourselves - for me the biostatistics courses and workshops related to my research area. We tend to be in isolation in year 2, and sometimes we are too busy to update ourselves on recent publications. Attebnding courses and seminars (conferences and etc) is a fun way of being abreast of the knowledge developement and make connection with other researchers. I would also recommend (if possible) to share your preliminary results - this will keep our confidence up and expose ourself to the many kinds of critical questions about our research.
3rd YEAR PhD Survival
Delayed posting from 2013
In two months time, I will be in the end of third year. By right, thesis should have already been submitted, and the final viva should be taking place in 4-6 weeks. Then, do corrections, final submission and fly home. Ting! Time over - just nice, scholarship ends and I can live happily ever after.
In two months time, I will be in the end of third year. By right, thesis should have already been submitted, and the final viva should be taking place in 4-6 weeks. Then, do corrections, final submission and fly home. Ting! Time over - just nice, scholarship ends and I can live happily ever after.
In reality, it is like living in a moving roller coaster right now. I am still data collecting and simultaneously writing up, analysing data, finishing up papers for publication and trying to stay calm against the ticking clock. The clock seems to be ticking faster than ever! I find it impossible to wrap everything in two months. But Alhamdulillah, if there is a will, there'll always be not only 1 but many ways. But first I must admit that in the very beginning I was devastated, worried and stressed because I realised that I was running against time, and there was nothing in my control that could change the situation. Being a perfectionist, I tend to be over sensitive to circumstances that do not happened the way I wanted. I had moments of difficult times that slowed down my productivity. In one of the meeting during that period, my supervisor mentioned that I utilised 80% of my time worrying and only 20% working on the main tasks. I ate more than the usual and that rang a bell...I was not in a healthy state - body, soul and mind because I naturally eat, eat and eat as an escape mechanism. Phone bills went up because I spend more hours talking to my family for comfort. Their support were amazing. Other than my parent, I owe a lot to my husband. Not forgetting my friends here in London and my sister's in law family in the UK, I am grateful to surrounded by positive thinkers.
Looking back at those difficult times, I wish I had known how to handle the situation effectively and this is what I would like to share in this entry. I will start with the trigger factor that made me realised 36 months not sufficient then the options I had and finally what option I chose.
The Trigger Factor
The Gantt Chart. In previous entries about PhD survival I mentioned the importance of this tool and again here I emphasize that this is an IMPORTANT tool. I made a point to revise my Gantt chart every 6 months and have it discussed with the supervisors. As long as the plan looks realistic and practical, my SVs would agree. The hurdle started at the end of my second year when we learned that the ethical approval for my final project is taking longer than we anticipated - 6 months longer! My second project is a randomized control trial targeting 160 participants and thus, 6 months delay is a significant loss of time. The approval was obtained at month 28, that was 8 months before the original thesis submission date. No matter how optimistic I tried to be, in reality, I knew it would be a tough one.
Options
Rather than falling into 'depression' worrying and slowing down my progress, I should have just accepted the fact that there is a 50-50 percent chance of hitting the jackpot in 8 months. What happened was, I duelled too much into emotion. It wasn't the academic stress but I guess I became exhausted from the far-distance marriage relationship (in Malay is PJJ = Perkahwinan Jarak Jauh).
Sometimes, I find it difficult to think right because I am overwhelmed with everything.
Well, well, well...survived 1st and 2nd year. Now the real beast has arrived...3rd YEAR!!! (Sempat ke ni...Huwaaaa..nak balik, nak balik!)
Beza 8 jam
Latar belakang: Sofea dan Ukail adalah pasangan bahagia yang terpisah antara dua benua. Kebahagiaan Sofea dan Ukail adalah dambaan setiap pasangan yang bercinta, bermula di kampusdan berakhir ke jinjang pelamin. Kebahagiaan itu terus mekar dan masih bertahan walaupun ramai yang menjeling keraguan kerana mereka belum dikurniakan cahaya mata.
KL Mac 2010
Yesss! I did it! I finally diiiiiid it! Well done me..pat, pat, pat on the head.
Sofea grinned with satisfaction; her big smile showed it all and she could hear every single beat of her pounding heart. Inhale...hold..hold..exhale... Got to avoid excessive serotonin girl, don't let loose, control babe..control.
Sudah lama Sofea mengimpikan peluang melanjutkan pengajian di UK. Hebat sangatkah dapat menapak di bumi Inggeris? Tak...bukannya hebat berjaya sampai ke Great Britain. Lagipun ini bukanlah pertama kali Sofea ke sana. Bezanya kali ini ialah, keberadaannya di UK bukan sebagai pelancong tetapi sebagai pelajar PhD yang ditanggung oleh kutipan cukai rakyat Malaysia. Bezanya lagi ialah, iringan mama, papa dan Ukail terhenti di Departure Hall KLIA. Sofea fixed her eyes to the white clouds by the window. 'I am extremely happy but this is only the beginning of a winding journey" bisik hatinya.
'Huband...I am willing to defer this offer if you have any slight doubt in letting me go'
'It is a promised I made to you. Pergilah sayang, 3 tahun bukan lama. London bukan jauh manapun. Beza 8 lam jer' Ukail berseloroh.
LONDON 5 Disember 2011
Bau kafien yang semerbak menyelubungi seluruh kamar tidur. Sofea mencapai iphone untuk entah yang ke berapa kali dan mendail nombor Ukail lagi, lagi dan lagi… tanpa jaya.
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Tanpa putus asa, dibuka pula facebook dan instagram…berulang-ulang kali Sofea melakukan perkara yang sama semenjak 2 jam yang lalu….semuanya sunyi tanpa berita dari Ukail.
Whatsapp
9.00pm: ‘Abang, busy ke. Im ready whenever youre ready’
9.15pm: ‘skype?’
10.00pm: ‘Hello, hello Mister Husband…are you purposely making me wait because it’s tonight??’
10.20pm: ‘Heyyyy…it’s snowing!!!!!!! Wish u r here’
11.00: ‘Adik dah ngantuk ni’
11.10pm:‘Where are you, is everything ok?’
Sofea menekap muka ke bantal sambil menahan hati yang meronta-ronta untuk menjerit sekuat-kuatnya! Resah!
Semenjak terpaksa berjauhan dari 3 bulan yang lalu, sudah menjadi suatu kemestian untuk mereka saling menghubungi pada jam 9 malam waktu London. Walau hanya sekadar sebaris pesanan ringkas, ianya sudah memadai untuk mengubati kerinduan. Jika keadaan mengizinkan, facetime atau skype lah yang menjadi pilihan utama. Sedari awal pagi lagi Sofea menantikan saat ini. Tidak sabar rasanya untuk mendengar suara Ukail mengucapkan ‘Happy Anniversary Sayang!’ sepertimana kebiasaanya pada tahun-tahun yang lalu. Hari ini genaplah 7 tahun usia perkahwinan Sofea dan Ukail. 7 tahun yang bahagia. ‘Are we really happy?’ bisik hatinya. Ishhh! Tiba-tiba pulak si syaitan menghembuskan keraguan. Sofea menarik hela panjang sambil mendongak dan merenung siling. Fikirannya melayang ke suatu petang, seminggu sebelum bertolak ke London dimana sahabatnya Azura berbicara mengenai keretakkan rumahtangga.
‘Statistic says…First wave starts in year 3 and second wave in year 5. Tahun ke-7 ramai yang crack under pressure and go separate ways’. Azura sambung lagi, ‘If the couple survive sampai year 10, that’s a milestone achievement to celebrate’ . ‘Ye ke?’ Tanya Sofea dengan nada keraguan. Cepat-cepat dihirupnya teh ais yang sudah mencair. Jika boleh ingin dipekak kan saja telinga daripada terus mendengar celoteh Azura. Sofea tidak mahu kata-kata Azura memahat spekulasi dan teori dalam benak fikiran apatah lagi disaat-saat akhir keberangkatannya ke UK tanpa Ukail. Bagi Sofea, perancangan Tuhan adalah sebaik-baik perancangan.
Di dalam selimut malam ini, fikirannya terus menyelak helaian memori untuk mencari, sekiranya ada, petanda-petanda keretakkan dalam mahligai yang dibina bersama Ukail. Jika adapun hanya satu, iaitu belum tibanya rezeki zuriat dari ilahi. Tetapi perkara itu tidak pernah menjadi punca perselisihan perasaan atau pendapat antara mereka, malah ianya faktor yang mengeratkan lagi hubungan mereka berdua. Kata-kata Ukail yang sentiasa segar dalam ingatan Sofea ialah ‘Allah tidak menjanjikan setiap pasangan yang berkahwin akan dikurniakan anak. As long as we have each other, we are happy…I am happy!’.
Salakan anjing di laman jiran menyedarkan Sofea dari lamunan. Sofea memerhati sekeliling kamar yang dihuni. Segalanya bertemakan Inggeris – perabot dan dinding semuanya putih kecuali pintu, bingkai katil dan bingkai tingkap yang berwarna oak. Lantai berkarpet maroon. Langsir krim dihiasi ros kuning melengkapi tema keseluruhannya. Walaupun ruang tidaklah besar pun, tetapi kombinasi warna pilihan tuan rumah memberi ilusi lapang. Sofea turun dari katil untuk mencapai coffee maker yang terletak diatas meja baca yang berselerak dengan bahan bacaan. Sambil duduk di meja baca menghadap tingkap, dihirupnya sisa Americano yang terakhir dan cawannya digenggam erat untuk mengambil haba dari isinya yang panas. Malam kelihatan cerah dari pancaran warna salji yang menyelimuti tanah. Setiap kepingan salji yang melekat di kaca tingkap diamati untuk melihat corak geometri yang menyerupai origami. Ajaib sungguh ciptaan Allah.
Suhu luar yang mencecah 4C meresap ke kamar dan dinginnya mula dirasai. Malam indah yang sejuk…sunyi… sepi… mengundang rindu yang mendalam. Jam di dinding sudah menghampiri 12 malam. Sekali lagi Sofea cuba menghubungi Ukail.
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Arghhh! Perasaan marah membuak-buak sehinggakan dapat dirasai jantungnya berdegup kencang. Pada masa yang sama juga, kemarahan itu bertukar kepada kekecewaan dan kemudiannya kesedihan yang bercampur baur tanpa sempadan. Kesan 2 gelas Americano menambahkan lagi tahap anxiety yang dialami. Setelah 2 jam bertahan, akhirnya Sofea akur bahawa menangis pada saat-saat sebegini ada baiknya. Setiap refleks nafas sendu mengurangkan sesak di dada.
Whatsapp:
11.58pm: ‘Abang, Happy 7th Anniversary to us. Sorry adik dah ngantuk. Sampai hati tak call. It’s snowing outside, and the night is extremely cold. Miss u love u, gudnite. XOXO’
Subuh jam 2 pagi di musim sejuk. Sofea memaksa diri melangkah keluar dari selimut yang hangat, mengharungi suhu bilik yang sejuk. Ishhh, ikutkan hati tak kuasa nak bangun. Terasa mata yang sepet - bengkak kurang tidur dan kesan melepaskan perasaan. Dicapainya telefon bimbit...mesti abang dah reply...owh, tak reply pun. Ye kecewa dan hati celaru bersambung lagi. Sofea mengheret kaki ke bilik air untuk berwudhuk. Brrrrrr air paip mcm air batu! Laaa, lupa menghidupkan swis pemanas air. Seusai solat, Sofea meletakkan hati berdoa yang sebaiknya untuk Allah mengurniakan ketenangan. Itulah rahsia kewarasan manusia. Hanya mereka yang bersyukur dan berserah bisa megecapi ketenangan. 'Ya Allah, tenangkanlah hatiku dalam menyempurnakan pengajian, ketenangkanlah hati kami suami isteri dalam kejauhan dan Ya Allah, tenangkanlah kematian kami bila tiba waktu kami kemabli kepada Mu'.
3PM: Sofea melangkah longlai keluar dari Bond Street Tube Station. Perbincangan dengan Professor David mengenai halangan dalam kajian yang sedang dijalankan masih menghantui benak fikirannya. Kesibukkan dan haruk pikuk sempena jualan perayaan natal di Bond Street tidak dapat menghilangkan kesunyian di hatinya. Ukail masih membisu. Sambil berdiri di pertengahan jalan...kaku, dibiarkan sahaja bahunya dilanggar pejalan kaki yang bergerak mengikut dan melawan arus. Pandangannya kosong, fikirannya berserabut dan hatinya meronta untuk terbang ke pangkuan Ukail. 'God...I wanna fly home nowww'. Disaat inilah Sofea mengimpikan kuasa teleport.
KL 5 Disember 2011
11PM: Ukail menekan tombol pintu dan melangkah masuk ke dalam rumah yang gelap. Sambil mengheret hand luggage, tangannya mencapai swis di belakang pintu utama. 'Tick' swis candeliar ruang tamu dipetik. Dalam sekelip mata ruang yang gelap gelita bertukar terang benderang tetapi semangatnya masih tetap gelap. Kepenatan pekerjaan dan penerbangan dari Sabah makin terasa.
'Abaaaannngggg...youre home Yeay!' Terasa kehangatan pelukan dan kucupan Sofea. Teringiang-ngiang suara manjanya. Manakan tidak, 7 tahun lamanya Ukail berkongsi hidup dengan wanita bernama Sofea. Bahkan setiap sudut dalam rumah yang terang dan sunyi ini terpahat bayangan dan senyuman Sofea. 'Damn it! I miss you' bisik Ukail. Berapa lamakah lagi?? Ukail terus naik ke kamar beradu, ye, gelap dan kosong juga. Malah meja solek juga terususan kemas pun 2 inci telbal debunya yang tidak disentuh semenjak Sofea bercuti 5 bulan lalu. Ukail menghempas badan ke katil yang dingin. Matanya terasa sangat berat dan hanya bantal yang diimpikan. Sebaik sahaja mata melayu ...'Ya Allah sungguh aku lupa, harini anniversay ke 8' fikiriannya terus melayang kepada Sofea di benua seberang tetapi tidak terdaya lagi untuk bangun apatah membuka mesej WA yang Ukail sangat pasti berjela daripada Sofea. Ukail masih teringat hari ini setahun lalu.
'Mr Husband... Happy 7th Anniversary! Shouldn't you be taking your wife out to celebrate...?' Sofea menerjah ke sofa di ruang tv dan bersandar manja ke bahu suaminya. Ukail yang sedang asyik menonton sekadar menjeling kerana terjahan Sofea menyelindungi pandangannya ke skrin tv.
'Abang lupa eh...malam ni?'
Tiada respons.
'Hellooooo...Mr Husband, your wife is asking something'. Bahu Ukail dicubit.
'Aduh!' Ukail melabuhkan tangannya ke bahu Sofea.
'Anniversary ni sekadar tarikh saja. Cukuplah kita mengingati tujuan utama kita bernikah dan betulkan niat itu setiap tahun' Ukail cuba memujuk.
'Alaa Abang nih, alasan malas celebrate macammacam alasan' rajuk Sofea
'Bukan malas... tapi tak perlu pun sebenarnya ikut-ikut sangat budaya mat salleh tu. As long as we have each other and together' pujuk Ukail. Dibelai rambut isterinya untuk menangkan rajuk. Ukail memang kenal sangat pe-el isterinya. Sebenarnya hadiah ada pun dalam almari, saja dibiarkan Sofea menunggu, kata nak surprise!
I am BACK!
29 March 2020, 815am
Today is day 12 of the COVID-19 Movement Control Order. This day I decided to act on the long lingering intention to write again. Writing has been an escape therapy for the emotional roller coaster in all phases of my life. The last time I poured my heart out was March 2015 - that was 5 years ago and that is the age of my twins. It explains how motherhood has taken up my time. Thank you Allah, for the wonderful gift - Kasih Sofea and Firman Ukail. A true bundle of joy in our life.
I want to write about my personal experience. Honestly, I don't know at which juncture of my life that I should pick up. I need to realign my memories and understand myself again. The last I did that was 6 years ago, that was the year I completed Ph.D., September 2014. I reported duty on 1 October 2014. The following year, 2015, was the magical year of motherhood and then, life has been like a non-stop speeding train, to and fro daily, to months and years at the same stations. I really need to dissect these years. Sofea and Ukail need to know and learn from their mommy and papa life story - it is too precious to be wasted (haha!)
This morning, I traced some dusty old files from my laptop and found some personal self-expressions from yesteryears. Wow...I sounded like a complicated mind
9 Mar 2012 : ARE YOU MARRIED
Are you married?
Yes, I am
How many children have you got?
Well, none at the moment
O..recently married?
Eight years
Next response would be one of the followings:
1) What a pity..eight years, no children??
2) Why..Having problem with your marriage?
3) Are you (your husband) infertile?
4) My so and so just got married three years ago, she/he already has 2 kids
5) Have you seen a doctor?
6) ........(awkward look)
7) Is your husband okay about this?
8) Oh.. (and walk away)
9) You mean, never got pregnant at all? Surely had miscarriage(s) right?
10) Family planning?
10 Sep 2013: ABAH
When I was very young, I look up to you
In confidence, everything will be fine
As long as I clung tight to you
Darkness will eventually shine
When I was a teenager
I fell in love with you
You're my hero, my boyfriend, my lover
Because I have you
There was no space for other strangers
When I compete in public speaking, you were the best mentor
When I fought with friends at school, you were the wise counselor
When I didn't score the exams you were my strong motivator
And
Whenever I screwed myself, you were always my ever willing guarantor
When I entered adulthood,
you were on duty faaaaar away
I was so sad no words can say
Then Allah sent him, who seems to understand me like you do
I love him but not the same as how I love you
When you said I can marry him and still have your love in my life
You made me the happiest girl alife
Today
I am still that little girl, inside
No matter how scary life can be
When I hear your voice at the other end
I feel relieved...everything will be okay
A poem for Abah
*Little girl's first love*
Undated 2013: The Big Issue gentleman
Every Tuesday regardless of rain or shine, this particular 'Big Issue' magazine gentleman never fails to appear in front of the BMA building, where my research center is located. His clothes are plain and shaggy. I never see him wearing other than long sleeves and black trousers. His hair is thin, short and curly in shades of grey which extends to the sideburns covering his jaw and chin. He stands and sometimes sits on a stool. On rainy days, he sits at the very same spot covered in a black raincoat. The only initiative he makes to sell the magazine is by saying 'The Big Issue' in a low monotone voice. He has no eye contact either, just a straight look ahead, but I am pretty sure he is not blind. His presence is so silent on the busy Travistok Place sidewalk. Thus, I never take heed to acknowledge him or purchase the £2.50 magazine.
9 Mar 2015: LAZY
I don't want to do anything
Or talk to anyone
My appetite doesn't agree with everything
Feeling lazy and tired, tired, tired
I only want my Dunlop pillow..only that specific pillow
And sprawl over the entire king size bed from end to end
Counting by seconds before falling asleep
But falling asleep only come for a while!
Leaving me restless thinking of nothing interesting
Then it revisits, but just before dreamland is opened..it vanished!
How cruel...it's like grabbing lollipop off a hopeful kid
I was ready to be taken somewhere beautiful! Take me, take me, take me there!
Ohh the distant sound of the waterfall and chirping birds...The cool breeze blowing the hair, lungs of fresh air
Perfect place to relax while sipping fresh coconut juice and enjoy the outdoor Bali massage..
Soothing the aching shoulder, down the spine to toes
Pushing the stress out, out, out from my body and soul...Pufff into thin air!
Leaving me light, so light that I can tiptoe on the water, fly in the air, bounce to the sky and laugh, laugh, laugh
I want to go there now, immediately, this instant
Opium? Seriously??
4 Feb 2017
When GOD tested us with delayed parenthood, we decided to neither stop achieving our ambitions nor let the toxic words around us engulfed our confidence in HIM. We also decided to not put personal missions on hold until that perfect moment of 'having little ones come by'. Instead of piling up cash, we invested it in appreciating life to the fullest. We traveled near and far, make do our nest to as comfortable as it can to our expectation, read piles of interesting books, explored interesting places, learned new things and helped whoever whenever possible. Those years taught us to be at peace and willingly submit to the fate bestowed upon us. Those time and money were worthwhile invested. It knitted two tough hearts full of courage and strength to stay as one till this very moment. We pray to Allah for the knots to grow stronger each day.
Whenever people ask 'where did your money go'? the answer is 'we invested in appreciating life'.
To all couples out there who are trying very hard to become parents, my words to you is 'be at peace' with what is tested upon us. Do not put yourself in unnecessary distress by pushing your limits to please others, let them judge you, let them talk behind your back... it's okay, let them be. Keep your head up, never let their heated words melt your courage, take care of your partner lovingly and redefine your happiness.
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