In this entry, I am supposed to write on how I managed to stay on track despite the 'unexpected'. But, some of my friends suggested I should share a little bit on how I dealt with the emotional stress; and what my alternative plan was for the long-distance marital relationship - thank you for the suggestions. Well...this is a little bit private, but I will try my best to make it as general as possible with the intention to benefit my readers. I have not obtained consent to spell out the names of individuals who have helped me through out the difficult times, so please allow me to temporarily address them with initials. May Allah reward all their good deeds and intentions.
1.1 Dealing with the unexpected
a) Spiritual comfort
My year one was tough and I almost cracked under pressure. My survival was not a coincidence indeed. Would you like to know what my best weapons were? They were not the fancy-high-tech gadget, simply Dhuha prayer on top of the compulsory five prayers and the Ma'thurat. If you are still seeking for spiritual fulfilment, I would suggest these two. If either of these are your weapons too, please do not hesitate to share in here what it meant to you for da'wah and for others to benefit.
I was introduced to Dhuha prayer by my mother at the age of 13. As mentioned in the previous entry 'Lady in Black Abayyah', I was away from my family since the age of 13. I remembered the agony of having no one to turn to for comfort; at the age of 13 to 17, I chose to stay in a boarding school whilst my parents and siblings went abroad. I was in my teen age, and I needed them most. That was when my mother bought me a soft panda like teddy bear to sleep with and also a booklet of sunna prayers.
I remembered my mother's words: 'Mama and abah will always pray for you, and Allah knows this. If you feel scared, having difficult times or worried for whatever reason, take wudhu' and perform 2 rakaat of Dhuha. InsyaAllah, Allah will halt the bad and bring us only the best from any situation. Be assured in Allah's plan, and you will be confident in yourself'. Later, when I was in form 4 (16 years old), a friend of mine, NNA introduced to me the Ma'thurat. I fell in love with the miracles of Dhuha and Ma'thurat. I used the word miracle because in difficult times, they gave me enormous inner strength; and in the less demanding moments, they gave me a sense of belonging to keep down to earth...Wallahualam. In due respect for my non-muslim readers, please allow me to briefly explain about the Dhuha prayer and the Ma'thurat.
Muslims are obligated to pray five times a day. Muslims are also encouraged to perform supererogatory prayers in which Dhuha is one of them. Dhuha means dawn (daybreak), when there becomes brightness in the sky early in the morning. Dhuha is a short prayer (less than 10 minutes) performed in between day-break until noon. Whereas, Ma'thurat is a compilation of zikr and short Quranic verses from recitation of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) for glorifying God.
I remembered my mother's words: 'Mama and abah will always pray for you, and Allah knows this. If you feel scared, having difficult times or worried for whatever reason, take wudhu' and perform 2 rakaat of Dhuha. InsyaAllah, Allah will halt the bad and bring us only the best from any situation. Be assured in Allah's plan, and you will be confident in yourself'. Later, when I was in form 4 (16 years old), a friend of mine, NNA introduced to me the Ma'thurat. I fell in love with the miracles of Dhuha and Ma'thurat. I used the word miracle because in difficult times, they gave me enormous inner strength; and in the less demanding moments, they gave me a sense of belonging to keep down to earth...Wallahualam. In due respect for my non-muslim readers, please allow me to briefly explain about the Dhuha prayer and the Ma'thurat.
Muslims are obligated to pray five times a day. Muslims are also encouraged to perform supererogatory prayers in which Dhuha is one of them. Dhuha means dawn (daybreak), when there becomes brightness in the sky early in the morning. Dhuha is a short prayer (less than 10 minutes) performed in between day-break until noon. Whereas, Ma'thurat is a compilation of zikr and short Quranic verses from recitation of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) for glorifying God.
The point here is regardless of the differences in our faith, seek spiritual healing to stay in focus, focus, focus! We are most vulnerable at the peak and lowest trough; there is where Satan patiently awaits to lead us astray. When the heart is sore, it affects our thinking and actions. Clinging to the two secret weapons made me less dependent on God's creature for comfort, I have HIM and to HIM only shall I seek help and guidance. I would like to thank my earliest Malaysian friends studying in London TA, MNH, FAR, AH and AHLM for introducing the weekly Quran Tafsir Classes.
b) Be careful in whom you share your problems with
If you need a shoulder to cry on or desperate for wise advice, reach out to your spouse, parent (or parent-in-law), your family member or your matured-thinking friends. In difficult times, it is human nature to lean on to who ever that gives us extra attention and care. Having friends for manly-talk or girly-talk does help to distress ourselves provided that you talked it over with a person that has the right character. If you are married and comfortable sharing problems with some one who happens to be from the opposite sex and not your spouse (or family members), be aware that you are opening the entrance of a war zone in your marriage. If you are single, it may be a start to a long-term relationship (not a guarantee though, but it can possibly happen) ... please make sure that person is not only 'single' but also 'available', you might fall on to the 'single but not available' ones.
I am blessed with a loving spouse, supportive family and mother-in-law; they are my strength. On the day I recieved the news my father-in-law passed away (4/2/11 1230pm), thank you to Prof IW and collaegues at the research centre for your understanding, and to MAW for walking me to Euston station to catch the flight. Thank you to these wonderful person who has been very calming and helpful in their own way: FO, SAR, WKT, KMA, NMA, HAH and ZHMS.
c) Listen to your logic thinking and not entirely your heart
Only God knows how difficult and devastated we were (my husband and I) to accept that the best solution for us at that situation was for me to go ahead with my PhD in London, and he to stay back to handle the new commitments. That was our final alternative plan after listing down and pros and cons. Hundreds of worries filled up our mind, merely another wife/husband would truly understand. I do not know how my husband handled it...men always do have their own way haven't they?
As for me, I accepted the fact that it is not always possible to have everything I desire at the same time. I thought of the worst-case scenario that could have and would happen...and be grateful that I was not in that situation. My late father-in-law's advise keep on coming to me 'Once you have made a decision, make it happen and do not turn back. Have faith in Allah, not to worry'. I put my faith in Allah. This is my jihad, and I will strive. Allah will take care of all matters beyond my control. I only need to do my best and Allah will do the rest.
As for me, I accepted the fact that it is not always possible to have everything I desire at the same time. I thought of the worst-case scenario that could have and would happen...and be grateful that I was not in that situation. My late father-in-law's advise keep on coming to me 'Once you have made a decision, make it happen and do not turn back. Have faith in Allah, not to worry'. I put my faith in Allah. This is my jihad, and I will strive. Allah will take care of all matters beyond my control. I only need to do my best and Allah will do the rest.
As for you, what is your justification in making a decision? Follow your logical thinking not your heart. Our heart is too soft and fragile to handle tough situations without logic thinking.
Reference:
Reference:
2. http://www.islamic-dictionary.com/index.php?word=dhuha
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