A=B+C

When I wake up this morning
I see birds flying and twinkling stars
What is happening??
It must be from yesterday's reading
If A=B where B is C+D
Then C is A minus D
How I wish my readings are easy like ABC
Someone once told me
A problem size depends on how big I want it to be
So today I will read again
Please Allah make me understand
So that the unknown become the known
And I can finish my studies and go HOME!

I am not a Super Star

I am not a Super Star
Neither do I own lots of money

As billions of pounds, dollars or dinars

Do not promise to make me happy!

I am just another commoner

Someone plain, simple and ordinary 

Neither very rich nor extremely poor

Like many others...I am just me

Many beautiful things I could not afford to buy

Exclusive circles which don't want me to stop by

No private jets to escape the crowd, no cards to show off in cutting queues

My story stays the same...nothing new

I am not a Super Star
But I do posses expensive love

Free for trade with those who appreciate

My circles are clans and friends

Who are exclusively sincere without pretence

I own personal private times to do whatever I like

To eat, wear, walk and talk whatever and however deem right

No fans to please, to judge, to satisfy or testify

My stories will always be around me, myself and I - same but never lame

Nothing new...because they are no fake but true

I am not a Super Star
Neither do I wish to be

A common public member is who I am

But in being common, I know where I stand

I follow the queue, I obey the rules

But never take my obedience for granted

For I fight with no fear if I am violated

I defend the rights of those who are wrongly fooled

New Page

When the lunar calender opens a set of new pages, I wish and hope something extraordinary has been written down for me and my loved ones. I am still experiencing the euphoric effect from the last 30 days of 2012 break with family and friends in Malaysia. The feel of being around our loved ones is a mixture of many happy emotions. To myself and I am sure to many others, it is therapeutic for healing worriness and sense of insecurity. We should be grateful for having who we have in our life (no matter how much we hated someone) because every single person who crosses our path brings blessings. Loosing a person whom we love so dearly can be a devastating experience which may potentially leads to an unexplainable loneliness understood only by those who have gone through the ordeal. Lets us broaden the definition of lost - we can loose someone because they passed away or we lost the affection of a living person who used to be very close to us. The first deals with grief...the latter is tricky as it needs clamness and a purified heart to push away hatred.

February will counts the second year of my late father-in-law in memory. I have known him for only 7 years (the age of my marriage when he passed away) but yet, the bond to him is strong that till this day, it feels like he is still around running arrands back home. Mother-in-law (MIL) shared 40 years of her life with him, obviously there is no way he will be forgotten. Deep inside, I want my MIL to be happy, to be able to move forward with the good memories of them together and leave behind the sorrows. Living in the present with sadness of the past brings us no where - in fact it instills negativity that affects our health, the people around us (especially those dear to us) and our surroundings. My husband and I have not given the happiness she longed for...not untill she has her own grandchild. Well, if concieving can be so easily done, then perhaps it would solve one hurdle (there is always a 50% chance that it would not). These are among the cycle of external pressures and expectation that subconciously increase the stress level of mankind. The singles are pressed to be get maried, the married are pressed to have a kid (and then more kids) and those with kids are pressed with other sorts of God-knows-what througout the pain of growing them. Each time a new year changes the calender, the stress gets more intensed because the cycle will restart at a highr level. In all branches of our life, the external pressure is harsh - but only if we allow them to run over.  Even if we achieve all the expectations - we will never, never ever satisfy everyone and at the final end there will always, always be someone or some people not happy with what we have achieved.

Therefore, for this year I choose to satisfy Allah swt, make myself happy and spread it around so that everyone can have a bit of it and I'll recieve some in return from them. Those who want more of me will have to wait till I am able to provide more than the usual without putting myself in misery. I choose to see the big picture, to think rational and not to over worry for things beyond my control. I choose to define my very own 'happiness', to treasure yesterday, to live in today and to dream of tomorrow.

Happy New Year everyone! Thank you for spending time to read this entry.