Email templates

It is now 5 minutes past midnight, I am supposed to be asleep but I just could not put my mind to rest. There have been many things happening simultaneously in the last few weeks; after a long thought I decided to share the one that begins with an FB message from XX. XX and I didn't know each other; XX happened to come across my FB status on the Malaysian London Postgraduate Support FB group wall  about how Dr OT ebook helped me drafted my thesis. XX  has approximately 3 weeks to work on the 1st year report and research proposal before the PhD upgrade viva which is now 8 months delayed. In normal circumstances students are advised to upgrade (i.e pass the 1st year viva/ research defence) by month 12. This is to ensure the course completes by month 36 or atleast within the grey period (grey period runs from month 37 to 42, it is like 'injury time' to finalise and submit our thesis without additional college fee). Quoting my supervisor's words, the two most common reasons for this unfortunate circumstance originate from either (1) clash of personality between the student and/or the supervisor or (2) poor supervision. The problem XX  faces is a challenging 'student-supervisor relationship'  that leads to poor supervision.. Well it sounds like double trouble, true enough because the solution is a little bit complicated.

So, my friends (ZH and NH) and I teamed up to help XX refine the 1st year report and hopefully, pass the viva due in two weeks time from the date of this entry. NH povided the Eagle research framework booklet and ZH  bought the  booklet for XX. I helped by sharing tips on conducting literature review (from Dr OT ebook and what I learned from my SVs) and  drafted corresponding emails. XX is a very determined person and we believe she will succeed, insyaAllah. We wish XX nothing less but the very best!!

You can download the Eagle research framework free of charge from www.brjm.com V(9) Issue(2) (2011) page:  130-140. The book entitled 'Siap tesis cepat' by Dr OT can be purchased online from http://siap-tesis-cepat.com/.

In this entry, I compiled a few email templates that I have shared with XX. You probably have experienced hard time finding suitable words to complete a few sentences to email to your supervisors or research collaborators. We usually hit google bar for free samples and end up not finding what we expected. There are times where writing a short email can take longer than required (especially towards the end of the day). So, here are a few examples. They are not the very best, but I hope it would come in handy at some point:

1) Updating on the progress of a task that was given for quite some time ago

2) Asking SV who just came back from a long tiring conference to sign your document

3) Asking comments/input from co-authors of your article

4) Asking for mutual agreement from co-authors on conflicting ideas for your article

5) Gentle reminder to someone because you have not recieved the requested document

6) Building professional relationship post conference

7) Request for appointment - refer to previous entry (1st year PhD survival last part)

1) Updating on the progress of a task that was given for quite some time ago

Dear Dr ASD, 

Hope this email reaches you in good time.  

You may recall our last correspondence  in regards to  ...what was the task... about 4 months ago. I would like to update on the progress of the ...task... - it is now in the ...what's the progress so far...and we hope to have it ready for ...?.... in early November. 

Thank you/Best wishes/Cheers/Regards

2) Asking your supervisor who just came back from a long tiring conference to sign some urgent document/paperwork

Dear SOY,

Hope you are now recharged after the exciting conference in Beijing (where ever the conference is)

The ...what ever your document is... will be submitted early next week. Could you please pen down your name, initial and date on the authorship consent form by ...due date for SOY to have it done... Please find the form enclosed.

Thank you.

3) Asking comments/input from co-authors of your article

Dear All,

Please find enclosed the review article on '...title of your article...' The aim of this article is to ......

Your input as the co-author is very much appreciated. Kindly give your comments/ammendments by ...due date have this repy back to you.... (any earlier is most welcome)

Thank you

4) Asking for mutual agreement from co-authors on conflicting ideas for your article

   

Dear all co-authors

Thank you for the comments, it is very much appreciated.

There is an interesting comment by ...who the name is .... in regards to ...what ever the issue is...which I find important not only to place this topic in a receptive position but also to have an agreement from all co-authors on how this suggestion to be phrased in the final article.

I find it challenging to ...the problem with the conflicting ideas among co-authors...  because  ...state your reason(s)...

   

To start the ball rolling, I have incorporated the suggestion in the section ..abc... of the article. Please find a copy of that particluar section in pdf document enclosed. 

Would appreciate if we can come to an agreement by this Friday the 11th.

Thank you

5) Gentle reminder that you have not recieved the requested document

Dear WLM,

Sorry to interupt your busy day.

Just a gentle reminder about the ...name of the info/document... Would appreciate if the ..document/info.. can be emailed as soon as you possibly can.

Thank you

6) Building professional relationship post conference

Dear AAA,

It was a pleasure meeting you during the ...name of the conference... last weekend. 

I am very delighted to know you in person and hope that we can keep in touch for collaborative work in the near future.

Best wishes,

xvvx

Okay..now is 220am, one hour to fajr. I can't trust myself wake up before sunrise (5am) to perform the fajr prayer if I fall asleep...continue with some assignments? .. yeah I know, it is quite a boring plan :(

Anyways, I wish you all the best in what ever you are up to. Remember that everything happens for a reason..not a coincidence..not magic..not luck..it is actually pre-planned by Allah.

Talking souls

'Why aren't you asleep my love
What is bothering your mind
Daily work will never be solved
Just close your eyes and let it unwind'

'It is so quiet, soundless, still and silence
Deep inside is loneliness..doubting if this is worthwhile
Longing for your presence..resisting the absence
Many times I wish to wake up with sunshine upon your smile'

'This is not easy my love, but soon it will end
See...We have now made it this far
We are soulmates, the 'bestest' friends
This distance is powerless to change who we are'

'Your words are always comforting
Even though traces of sorrow persist
Perhaps this sadness is aggravating
We should not allow regrets to exist
You are in my life as I am in yours, the 'bestest' gift'

PhD Survival:1st Year (Last Part)

(3) Take control

'..this is your game..your way..but not entirely your rules..'

The best part ever...take control control control of our personal life! You are given the opportunity to play your game...work in your private sweet time, your schedule your way, your style, your mysteries. One thing to consider is how to play our game within the rules that are not ours. We are bounded to follow certain rules. The written rules are easily understood and followed; the challenge is to understand the unwritten. Here are some rules that you do not find in books:

Rule 1: Supervisory meeting (SVM) - How frequent?

Generally, students assume SVM will take place as and when the supervisor calls for one; and in the meantime they will do whatever that they 'think' is right to do unguided and end up wasting precious time. First, we must understand why SVM should take place. Among the many reasons, I personally see these 3 as the most important:

a. To update the progress on a given task
b. To monitor student's progress based on their timeline (the gantt chart)
c. To discuss arising matters and develop the thinking process into research.

There is no standard guideline on how frequent the SVM should be taken place. In general, first-year students benefit from monthly meeting, perhaps every fortnight in the first 3 months. We need this supervision and guidance because this is the phase to determine (a) research question and the (b) research framework. Once we are clear with (a) and (b)....we can speed up to the next level.  In order for us to feel comfortable (or confident) in discussing with SV about ideas for (a) and (b), we must have good general knowledge of the research area. This is obtained from extensive literature review (those who have had working/practicing experience in the research field have the advantage in understanding the background knowledge). You should take the initiative to arrange a regular meeting with your SV during the period of literature reading - this is very important to develop your thinking process towards the gap of knowledge in the research area. For example, if your target is to read and analyse 5 papers in 2 weeks, then request for a discussion session in the following week. Make a summary of what you understood and discuss the ideas surrounding the articles that you have read; take note of the points mentioned by your SV. You will find a flow of fresh ideas/new questions to answer, and this will make your next reading session more focused than the previous.

What about after the literature reading period, how frequent should we meet our SV? Now, every meeting has a purpose. The best way that worked for me was based on the gantt chart. For example, if you have 8 weeks to come out with the final research proposal, you should be thinking the time frame to hand in the draft proposal - correction - handing in once again - correction once more and all over again until the best version (or the most acceptable version) is produced. Throughout this process, if you are stuck or need expert guidance, be pro-active and do not hesitate to call (request) for a supervisory meeting. Work closely with your SV and make yourself in their radar detection. Follow your gantt chart, it keeps us moving against the odd. In summary, have a regular schedule for supervisory meeting based on your task in the gantt chart (request for it if it is not planned for you).

It is normal not being confident in emailing supervisor to call for a supervisory meeting...I too had experienced the same. This is an email template on what to write  to SV requesting for a SVM:  

Dear XYZ,

Hope you are fine/ Hope this email reaches you in good time (courtesy greeting, choose one or create your own)

May I please book an appointment for a supervisory meeting on the ...date..., ....time...at ...venue....you can have several dates ncase they are not available on any particular day. Kindly suggest alternative time and date if the one proposed above is not convinient for you.

The main topic of discussion are:

1. ....what task and what your problem is about

2. ...ex: Research method - to finalise the flow for data collection in the pre and post intervention study design

3. ....

Would appreciate to hear from you by ...date to reply.. (give atleast 1 week time frame for them to reply. SV are busy people, no due date means no urgency)

Best wishes,

Your name

Rule 2: Your bench fee

Bench fee (paid annualy)  is to support our professional development and the conduct of research. Take the initiative to know about how your bench fee is spent and know your grant code. Grant code is the code for your bench fee in the college log book; you will need this code to claim relevant expenses. The rule is, it is your Professor (or your supervisor-SV) that has control of the bench fee. Most college finance department will not disclose how the bench fee is being spent. What can you claim from bench fee includes - conference expenses, books, laptop, table computer...anything to aid in your learning and research BUT WITH THE APPROVAL of your supervisor. So, please ask your SV about how it can be utilised.

Rule 3: 2 weeks time frame & date to reply

If you need a report or document work to be checked/revised (by supervisor, collaborator, or other relevant party) allow 2 weeks time frame before sending out reminders. So, plan your work well and again..follow the gantt chart.

Rule 4: Data collection

If your work involves other people - for example relying on other individuals to collect samples, if possible avoid doing data collection in December (Xmas holidays), August (Summer break) and Ramadhan because most likely your schedule will be disrupted by the long holidays. This should also be taken into consideration for research ethics applications.

Rule 5: Keep track records of your progress

I have a story to tell in explaining this scenario:

a. Student A who by the end of year one decided to terminate PhD course because she felt the guidance she recieved was poor and it contributed to her poor performance in the 1st year viva. The student lodged a complaint about the poor supervision.

b. Student B was working on a novel discovery; there were many trials and errors involved. Throughput the process, many formula and theories evolved.

c. Student C completed task 2; but according to her SV, she was supposed to complete task 1 prior to task 2. She was so sure that the order she followed was recommended by her SV in the previous meeting.

Now, tell me if you are Student A, B or C...what proof do you have to certify your claims? It is very, very important to have meeting summary after every SVM. If anything goes wrong, you have a record to show.

This is an example of SVM summary that should be circulated to the your SV after every meetings or discussion that involves decision being made. Remember to set a date for the next meeting and send a reminder to your SV one week prior to the meeting date.

Rule 6:  PhD ends at month 36 or thesis submission at month 36?

Be comprehensible about the due date for thesis submission. There may be some logistic issues that you must keep in mind. You not need to worry about this in the first year, but its good to have this in mind as you go along.

There are many other unwritten rules which I could not possibly mention in here due to time constraint. I hope the information in these entries would be of help, especially for those who are about to start their PhD.

Last but not least, good luck and all the best in your studies!

Apakah rasa itu

Apakah rasa itu
Suatu sentuhan dalam hati
Jauh tertanam di sanubari
Tak nampak dilihat, tetapi dirasai

Apakah rasa itu
Makin hari makin meninggi
Selagi ianya tidak ditemui
Makin hari makin sepi

Apakah rasa itu
Kadang-kadang indah sekali
Mulalah disebut-sebut acap kali
Tetapi, ada juga menyusahkan diri

Namanya rasa itu
Hanya empunya diri yang tahu
Tak boleh disebut kerana malu
Tapi tak larat nak disimpan selalu

PhD Survival 1st Year (Part 4)

Dear readers, as promised in the last entry, please find the sample of the 3-year course gantt chart enclosed for your reference. This is the biggest shot that I can squeeze in.

The header row are numbered by month from 1st to 3rd year, total of 36 months (only half is shown in this chart).

 

The first column contains a list of activities: the rows in the first section (i.e General Activities) list down the activities or school requirement in the PhD course. As you can see, student annual leave is also incorporated because our leave coincides with the progress of our research rather than the school holidays. The rows in the second section (i.e Research: Phase 1) are tasks in the research. The rows in the third section (i.e Thesis write-up) are the planned chapters for the final thesis.

The yellow boxes are the estimated month for us to accomplish the listed tasks. There are no yellow boxes for the third section because they are to be accomplished in the 3rd year which is not shown on this chart.

Now...moving on to the next point:

2.2 You must be in love with what you are going to embark into.

'You must love what you are about to do, you must feel comfortable doing it...otherwise PhD is going to be an awful period of your life' (Dr MM).

I have been working in the area of kidney disease, and that is the area I am most comfortable. It excites me and being able to a research in this area is just marvelous. So, I brought this idea to my supervisors. Before the working title was finalised, I was asked to consider another two different research - pharmacokinetics properties of a renal drug in children on dialysis or a  database epidemiological research  (erk! Don't think I can survive in these areas, so many mathematical theories and formulae. I am naturally allergic to numbers and my undergraduate lecturers can certify this). Both research already had frame work in place and had good prospect for publication. Should I chose either one of them, it would have saved me some time in preparing for the research proposal (what I wanted to do have to start from scratch). However, I opted to stick to the topic I am most comfortable with.As much as we should be flexible in deciding on the research area (being too rigid selecting your area of research may make you lose valuable opportunities) it is good to have an idea of your own. You must know what you want; this is when working experience comes in handy.

One of my colleagues could not decide what his/her area of interest was. Within the initial 12 months, he/she tried out two different research and end up terminating the course because it was not what he/she liked doing. 

2.3 How many supervisors (SV)?

Next is dealing with the supervisors (SV) - the person who will be supervising and guiding us throughout the course. They are knowledgeable in identifying research questions and the appropriate method in obtaining the answers, BUT this does not mean that they know more than you do in the research of your PhD. PhD is about adding fresh knowledge...it is something new and unknown. So please do not expect to be spoon fed or wait to be told what to do next or blame entirely on the SV when we feel lost. Almost all postgraduate handbooks explains about how to work or deal with SV, so we shall not discuss them in here. Should you need to know more, do not hesitate to leave your comment.

What is about to be discussed here is to whom should we report to if we have more than one SV? For example, in my case, I have 2 academic SVs, 2 clinical SVs and 3 clinical collaboraters. To be frank, it took me a while to justify who should be tagged in email of certain matters. They are equally important.

So, let us first understand their roles.  In general, academic supervisors (aSV) are responsible for all our academic activities; they should be our principal reference. Positive comments from aSVs can make wonders in passing the final viva (I've heard). The 1st aSV is usually a senior academician (in terms of expertise and reputation) than the 2nd aSV. The 1st aSV plays an important role in the first year especially the initial 6 months. They are influential and often the referral person in their area of research. Due respect to their expertise and reputation, they are the one who would finalise your research questions and method. This also means that they are extremely busy, this is when the 2nd aSV plays a role. The 2nd aSV could be an assistant professor, senior honorary lecturer or research fellow.  They are probably the person you will interact with most of the time for advice and technical matters.  

There is no hard and fuss rule about who should we report to - the only way to know is to ask. Haha..this is important when the 1st and 2nd aSv are having different views..if we do not stand for ourselves; we'll be in dilemma and stuck in the middle.  For example, in my case the arranegement was such:

• Weekly progress should be emailed to the 1st aSV
• All correspondant emails (for ex: with collaborators/correpondant author of articles) must be cc'd to both aSV.
• problems not possible to be settled by the 2nd aSV should be attention to the 1st aSV.

And I also added two more:

• Whenever you email your 2nd aSV to clarify on any issues or to remind them matters that require their attention/follow-ups, have it cc'd to your 1st aSV (2nd aSV could be busy as well, having the same email cc'd to the boss would help them to remember).
• If the 1st and 2nd aSV have different views, do not hesitate to ask (either in supervisory meetings or via email) as to which view is final. Most of the time, if they could not decide and this is made known, we have the liberty to decide!...and that is far easier than waiting in confusion.

2.4 What if I could not get along with aSV?

This is very subjective, and I am in no position to advise on how to handle problematic situation between student and aSV. It is something none of us want to fall into. I have no experience in this (and let it be that way); from my observation..most of the tim, the affected student will feel helpless, dissapointed and angry - if you fall in this pithole please do not jump into conclusion, make no decision and keep silent until you have calmed down. Other than praying hard for the situations to turn okay, here are a few tips on what you can do (these suggestions are from my peer discussion):

a. Understand your aSV

An important task from day 1. This does not mean we have to spy and sneak around to understand them. Observe their work ethics and personality. Every time after supervisory meeting, ask your supervisor at which part should you improve. If you do not ask, your aSV would assume you know your weakness and expect you to polish up. Be humble and ready to be taught.  If there is a chance, talk to your aSVs' previous students.

b. Seek help from peer group/some one more seniour in the team

Usually PhD students are part of a research team  in a  research centre/department. The team may consist of other PhD students, research assistant, research fellow and etc. If our colleagues can get along very well with the aSV, reflect what is wrong with ourselves. Talk to other students (but please do not gossip; talk to a colleague who is trustworthy to give advice).

c. Seek help from PhD coordinator

A PhD coordinator (or councellor, advisor or etc) is the officer who looks over the PhD course. Book an appointment to seek advice from the coordinator; discussions are confidential.

PhD Survival: 1st Year (Part 3)

Please note that different universities may have different policies for PhD programme. Our research genre may be different. This is just a guide which may or may not be applicable to you. 

When I first registered, I was overwhelmed. On day one itself, I was looking forward to the last day. What I had in mind was to jump into doing a research as soon as possible and wanted to know everything to make it happen (warning - this is dangerous because you will severely exhaust yourself). How could I not be, my other 4 colleagues registered one month earlier and the orientation week was over. 

On the third day, I was introduced to my second supervisor Dr MM. As I registered one month later than the rest, I was given four sessions of personal orientation on overview of the research centre, the education programme and the unwritten rules in making life less complicated. What I learned from Dr MM have helped me a lot and I must not keep this to myself. The first thing I learned from Dr MM was expecting and dealing with the 'unexpected' which was discussed in length in the previous two entries. From this point onwards, I will summerise what I learned from the orientation week and the mistakes that should be avoided throughout year one.

(2) Eagle eye view

'..use the spot light..not the torch light..'

The journey of PhD course is unique depending on the nature of  our research. Nevertheless, the pathway is similar. Even though we start at different starting point, we should end up at the same end point. This is the generic flow/eagle eye view of year one:

1. First conduct literature review to work out a research proposal (generally 6 months; the faster the better)

2. Secondly, have the proposal ready (be ready to retype and do corrections, to be frank.. mine was approved after 8 drafts)

3. Thirdly, submit application for ethics approval (in the UK, the approval should be obtained within 8 weeks from the day of submission - this includes research committee interview and final result).

3. Then, start pilot/observation/trial data collection (this is optional, having this gives us great advantage during research defend/viva; might not be applicable to lab-based research) 

4. Prepare first year report and have it submitted on time (allocate 3 weeks for the examiner to review)

5. Sit for first year viva (research defend) to upgrade from MPhil to PhD. This means your proposed research has strong justification for  research to fill in the gap of current knowledge. Aim to sit for the viva no later than month 18, ideally by month 12 of the PhD course. The earlier the better.

6. Finally, submit at least one article for publication (do not put your work wasted, a good literature review is a potential article for publication!)

The order is flexible; each points will have many branches of to-do-list; we should be able to work on more than one task simultaneously. This is recommended whenever possible. It does not matter where your starting point is, just be aware of the big picture. For instance, 3 of my colleagues started with six months of data collection because the proposed research had obtained  ethical approval and funding prior to their registration. One of my colleagues had to work on submission for an amendment to a research proposal that was approved by the research ethics earlier on. I had to start with literature review to justify the importance of my proposed research area before coming up with a proposal.

We have the tendency to be immersed and absorbed into one particular task (or simply lazy) that we forgot (or delay) to look into (or plan for) other tasks -  individuals in this group are the ones using the torch light; they are very focused to only one or certain particular things and missed out the whole picture. A friend of mine got so tight with data collection and had only one month prior to his first year report submission to do literature review. Do not underestimate the amount of time you have to spare in conducting a literature review. He/she managed to get the report done on time but had a difficult viva because he/she  could not grasp the background knowledge of the research area and hence could not justify the importance of the research - the result was to redo literature review and retake the viva (minor cases - retake in 3 weeks time, major cases in 3 months).  

Literature review and research method are two important chapters of our first year report. If you do it well, the literature review is already a big chunk of Chapter 1 in the final thesis. In fact, our literature review is a potential publication. Work on it and try to submit for publication within year one. I managed to submit mine in month 10 and have it published 6 months later. It is hard work, but its worth doing :) Just imagine yourself (or other researchers) citing your own article in your next report, isn't it exciting and motivating.

The question is  - how to capture the eagle view? The answer is  - tabulate your 3-year gantt chart. In most cases, international students will take 1 or 2 weeks off after registration to settle down i.e accommodation, opening a bank account (very important to do this as soon as possible to ensure smooth scholarship transfer) and children's school. Day 1 in our gantt chart is the day we register, and not the day we have settle down/ ready to embark in academic/research work. As previously mentioned, PhD timeline starts ticking as the assimilation process takes place. 

3-year Gantt Chart

Before and after tabulating gantt chart...

Before: '3 years is like taking like forever..'

After: 'OMG, 3 years is too short' You'll then start worrying of not having sufficient time...then the game of chasing and being chased by dateline begins. This is normal, just don't freak out. So, start to plan your work for the 3-year programme and work your plan. 

The easiest way to tabulate a gantt chart is of course in Microsoft Excel (I will upload a snap shot as an example in the next entry).

First, begin with creating columns from Month 1 (in year 1) to Month 36 (in year 3). 

Secondly, divide multiple rows into 3 sections. 

List down the 3 years academic requirement in the first section, for example:

- Compulsory training courses to attend in the whole 3 years

- First year report submission

- Research day presentation

- In house proposal presentation

- First year viva 

- Publication 1

- Publication 2

As the exact date is yet to be confirmed, at this stage simply tick in the box for the estimated month within your PhD course. 

The second section contains tasks for your study/ies (PhD research may have more than 1 study), for example:

- Literature search

- Lit. review final report submission

- Proposal submission

- Research ethical application

- Data collection

- Ethics amendment (if required)

- Interim data analysis

- Data analysis

If there is a second or third study, do the same in different sections. 

The third section contains your thesis write up schedule; thesis submission and thesis viva due dates. 

Now, once you have all tabulated...36 months; make sure your supervisor(s) is happy with it. The gantt chart should be reviewed   in a scheduled manner, more frequent in the beginning of the programme. Make it an agenda in your meeting with the supervisors to review the gantt chart; this does not only keeps you on track but also as a gentle reminder for your supervisor to follow up on tasks that needed their feedback. 

Whenever you get drifted away or demotivated, look at your gantt chart and see where or at what stage should you be at that  moment. Even when you are hit by the unexpected, try your best  to stay on track. If there is a need to drag the timeline, do it cautiously. It is advised to talk about it with your supervisor. In major circumstances  that significantly affect your timeline (i.e poor health condition or having to be away for quite some time due to valid reasons), you may be ask to apply for an extension to the thesis submission date (this means your programme will take more than 36 months). 

PhD Survival: 1st year (Part 2)

In this entry, I am supposed to write on how I managed to stay on track despite the 'unexpected'. But, some of my friends suggested I should share a little bit on how I dealt with the emotional stress; and what my alternative plan was for the long-distance marital relationship - thank you for the suggestions. Well...this is a little bit private, but I will try my best to make it as general as possible with the intention to benefit my readers.  I have not obtained consent to spell out the names of individuals who have helped me through out the difficult times, so please allow me to temporarily address them with initials. May Allah reward all their good deeds and intentions.

1.1 Dealing with the unexpected

a) Spiritual comfort

My year one was tough and I almost cracked under pressure. My survival was not a coincidence indeed. Would you like to know what my best weapons were? They were not the fancy-high-tech gadget, simply Dhuha prayer on top of the compulsory five prayers and the Ma'thurat. If you are still seeking for spiritual fulfilment, I would suggest these two. If either of these are your weapons too, please do not hesitate to share in here what it meant to you for da'wah and for others to benefit.

I was introduced to Dhuha prayer by my mother at the age of 13. As mentioned in the previous entry 'Lady in Black Abayyah', I was away from my family since the age of 13. I remembered the agony of having no one to turn to for comfort; at the age of 13 to 17, I chose to stay in a boarding school whilst my parents and siblings went abroad. I was in my teen age, and I needed them most. That was when my mother bought me a soft panda like teddy bear to sleep with and also a booklet of sunna prayers.  

I remembered my mother's words: 'Mama and abah will always pray for you, and Allah knows this. If you feel scared, having difficult times or worried for whatever reason, take wudhu' and perform 2 rakaat of Dhuha. InsyaAllah, Allah will halt the bad and bring us only the best from any situation. Be assured in Allah's plan, and you will be confident in yourself'. Later, when I was in form 4 (16 years old), a friend of mine, NNA introduced to me the Ma'thurat. I fell in love with the miracles of Dhuha and Ma'thurat. I used the word miracle because in difficult times, they gave me enormous inner strength; and in the less demanding moments, they gave me a sense of belonging to keep down to earth...Wallahualam. In due respect for my non-muslim readers, please allow me to briefly explain about the Dhuha prayer and the Ma'thurat.

Muslims are obligated to pray five times a day. Muslims are also encouraged to perform supererogatory prayers in which Dhuha is one of them. Dhuha means dawn (daybreak), when there becomes brightness in the sky early in the morning. Dhuha is a short prayer (less than 10 minutes) performed in between day-break until noon. Whereas,  Ma'thurat is a compilation of zikr and short Quranic verses from recitation of  Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) for glorifying God.  

The point here is regardless of the differences in our faith, seek spiritual healing to stay in focus, focus, focus! We are most vulnerable at the peak and lowest trough; there is where Satan patiently awaits to lead us astray. When the heart is sore, it affects our thinking and actions. Clinging to the two secret weapons made me less dependent on God's creature for comfort, I have HIM and to HIM only shall I seek help and guidance. I would like to thank my earliest Malaysian friends studying in London TA, MNH, FAR, AH and AHLM for introducing the weekly Quran Tafsir Classes.

b) Be careful in whom you share your problems with

If you need a shoulder to cry on or desperate for wise advice, reach out to your spouse, parent (or parent-in-law), your family member or your matured-thinking friends. In difficult times, it is human nature to lean on to who ever that gives us extra attention and care. Having friends for manly-talk or girly-talk does help to distress ourselves provided that you talked it over with a person that has the right character. If you are married and comfortable sharing problems with some one who happens to be from the opposite sex and not your spouse (or family members), be aware that you are opening the entrance of a war zone in your marriage. If you are single, it may be a start to a long-term relationship (not a guarantee though, but it can possibly happen) ... please make sure that person is not only 'single' but also 'available', you might fall on to the 'single but not available' ones.

I am blessed with a loving spouse, supportive family and mother-in-law; they are my strength. On the day I recieved the news my father-in-law passed away (4/2/11 1230pm), thank you to Prof IW and collaegues at the research centre for your understanding, and to MAW for walking me to Euston station to catch the flight.  Thank you to these wonderful person who has been very calming and helpful in their own way: FO, SAR, WKT, KMA, NMA, HAH and ZHMS.

c) Listen to your logic thinking and not entirely your heart  

Only God knows how difficult and devastated we were (my husband and I) to accept that the best solution for us  at that situation was for me to go ahead with my PhD in London, and he to stay back to handle the new commitments. That was our final alternative plan after listing down and pros and cons. Hundreds of worries filled up our mind, merely another wife/husband would truly understand.  I do not know how my husband handled it...men always do have their own way haven't they?

As for me, I accepted the fact that it is not always possible to have everything I desire at the same time. I thought of the worst-case scenario  that could have and would happen...and be grateful that I was not in that situation. My late father-in-law's advise keep on coming to me 'Once you have made a decision, make it happen and do not turn back. Have faith in Allah, not to worry'. I put my faith in Allah. This is my jihad, and I will strive. Allah will take care of all matters beyond my control. I only need to do my best and Allah will do the rest.

As for you, what is your justification in making a decision? Follow your logical thinking not your heart. Our heart is too soft and fragile to handle tough situations without logic thinking.

Reference:

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nafl_salat 
2. http://www.islamic-dictionary.com/index.php?word=dhuha