Gloomy

Why...why...why am I having this down moment?  Could this be the Monday Blues Syndrome? If that is so...oh my, I have not experienced this for a long time. Today is one of those days of tiresome and exhaustion even before the day starts. The drizzle rain made the gloomy day dark and it is not helping at all. It was 0900hr and am still at the studio in pyjamas. How I wish for a full body massage with lavender scented essential oil to get those stiff muscle straightened and relaxed especially around the scapula. O' Allah please don't misunderstood me...Alhamdulillah it rains and thank you Allah for giving me another day to live and worship you. But, I am feeling so down and sleepy, my eyes are sore and my shoulder aches.  Like it or not, I dragged myself off the warm comfy bed and by 12 noon I forced myself to school.  

I took a glance look at the 'to-do list'. The three things listed for today were - continue writing the Introduction chapter of the thesis (supposed to be done this morning when I was busy in bed); meeting on funding for the second study with the supervisors, and finalise the SSI form for hospital R&D application. Frankly speaking, there was no sense of excitement at all...my brain just froze. Dong...Dong...The bell from the red church on Tavistock Street strikes two. O' dear Allah, it is already 1400hr - half of my day has gone unproductive. 

While I am typing this entry, there was 6 people in the research centre including me. Everyone (except me) seems busy - the only music is the sound produced from pressing the computer keyboards, papers being flipped and clipped, and water boiling from the coffee corner. It is so quite, so bored and very depressing. I wanted to shout and scream to force the air molecules to vibrate and produce some real noise! So I stood up, open my mouth wide and sang my heart out "I believe I can FLY... I believe I can TOUCH the SKY...Flip my wings and FLY AWAY...to where my heart wants to STAY". Oh yeah that was a relief!

"O dear! Kc...you can sing?"

"I can do many awkward things when I'm stressed"

 I am missing home...I am missing him

Couples

My oyster card remained empty for almost a week. Within this period I travel to and back from school on foot - 20 to 30 minutes walk each route depending on my speed of the day. Why am I doing this? Perhaps for three main reasons. First - the 1hour 'walking time'  gives the mind some space to think in a relaxing environment.  Second, it contributes to an extra 1 hour to the existing I2 hours 'off the bed and work station' and third...saves £52 of this month's pocket from public transport. I would say a reasonably good healthy deal ;)

It took me 2 days to push away the regrets of not topping up the Oyster and to put away the thoughts of 'this is taking me forever'! However from day 3 onwards, I become addicted - I look forward every morning and late evening for a brisk walk. I truely enjoy the walk in the breezy wind (and sometimes friendly English rain), no sweat (yes! the perfume and deodorant sweet scent stay the whole day) and the one  thing I enjoy most is watching people on the streets. I came across a few funny scenes like what we usually see in movies - a young lady lifting her mini skirt to pull up the thermal stokings at the bus stop infront of Maddan Tussaud; a man with an umbrella that just simply flips sides one windy rainy morning - just like Mathew Popins (instead of Marry popins)!

There is one particular behaviour I have been observing - how couples at different age walk and talk on the streets. Couples who giggles alot and 'hug-walking' as if the whole world has paused for them are generally the very young.  I prefer not to walk behind them when approaching narrow pavement  for the sake of reserving precious time. They look cute but far from romantic. The second type of couple holds take away coffee, the male usually tucks a newspaper under the armpit, and the female - ooo love that heels! I have to jog to catch up withnthem because they dont walk... they march side by side, stop at a point, then turn, exchange hugs and kisses and in a split second turn away in seperate directions and dissapear. One goes down the underground station, the other elswhere. Well, perhaps this is the couple of a long term relationship with career commitments. They look smart and dress decently...but hey, seriously take a break.

The couples in the third category is the elderly. They walk arm in arm peacefully and wait patiently for each other to take one step at a time. "Are you cold honey, take my jacket" ... "Thank you dear,  but I'm fine"... "Tell me if you need it"... "Sure, don't worry about me". They must have shared their whole life together. They look so sweet, so calm and so romantic. No kisses no huggies but their touch around each other's arm is so forever loving.