A=B+C

When I wake up this morning
I see birds flying and twinkling stars
What is happening??
It must be from yesterday's reading
If A=B where B is C+D
Then C is A minus D
How I wish my readings are easy like ABC
Someone once told me
A problem size depends on how big I want it to be
So today I will read again
Please Allah make me understand
So that the unknown become the known
And I can finish my studies and go HOME!

I am not a Super Star

I am not a Super Star
Neither do I own lots of money

As billions of pounds, dollars or dinars

Do not promise to make me happy!

I am just another commoner

Someone plain, simple and ordinary 

Neither very rich nor extremely poor

Like many others...I am just me

Many beautiful things I could not afford to buy

Exclusive circles which don't want me to stop by

No private jets to escape the crowd, no cards to show off in cutting queues

My story stays the same...nothing new

I am not a Super Star
But I do posses expensive love

Free for trade with those who appreciate

My circles are clans and friends

Who are exclusively sincere without pretence

I own personal private times to do whatever I like

To eat, wear, walk and talk whatever and however deem right

No fans to please, to judge, to satisfy or testify

My stories will always be around me, myself and I - same but never lame

Nothing new...because they are no fake but true

I am not a Super Star
Neither do I wish to be

A common public member is who I am

But in being common, I know where I stand

I follow the queue, I obey the rules

But never take my obedience for granted

For I fight with no fear if I am violated

I defend the rights of those who are wrongly fooled

New Page

When the lunar calender opens a set of new pages, I wish and hope something extraordinary has been written down for me and my loved ones. I am still experiencing the euphoric effect from the last 30 days of 2012 break with family and friends in Malaysia. The feel of being around our loved ones is a mixture of many happy emotions. To myself and I am sure to many others, it is therapeutic for healing worriness and sense of insecurity. We should be grateful for having who we have in our life (no matter how much we hated someone) because every single person who crosses our path brings blessings. Loosing a person whom we love so dearly can be a devastating experience which may potentially leads to an unexplainable loneliness understood only by those who have gone through the ordeal. Lets us broaden the definition of lost - we can loose someone because they passed away or we lost the affection of a living person who used to be very close to us. The first deals with grief...the latter is tricky as it needs clamness and a purified heart to push away hatred.

February will counts the second year of my late father-in-law in memory. I have known him for only 7 years (the age of my marriage when he passed away) but yet, the bond to him is strong that till this day, it feels like he is still around running arrands back home. Mother-in-law (MIL) shared 40 years of her life with him, obviously there is no way he will be forgotten. Deep inside, I want my MIL to be happy, to be able to move forward with the good memories of them together and leave behind the sorrows. Living in the present with sadness of the past brings us no where - in fact it instills negativity that affects our health, the people around us (especially those dear to us) and our surroundings. My husband and I have not given the happiness she longed for...not untill she has her own grandchild. Well, if concieving can be so easily done, then perhaps it would solve one hurdle (there is always a 50% chance that it would not). These are among the cycle of external pressures and expectation that subconciously increase the stress level of mankind. The singles are pressed to be get maried, the married are pressed to have a kid (and then more kids) and those with kids are pressed with other sorts of God-knows-what througout the pain of growing them. Each time a new year changes the calender, the stress gets more intensed because the cycle will restart at a highr level. In all branches of our life, the external pressure is harsh - but only if we allow them to run over.  Even if we achieve all the expectations - we will never, never ever satisfy everyone and at the final end there will always, always be someone or some people not happy with what we have achieved.

Therefore, for this year I choose to satisfy Allah swt, make myself happy and spread it around so that everyone can have a bit of it and I'll recieve some in return from them. Those who want more of me will have to wait till I am able to provide more than the usual without putting myself in misery. I choose to see the big picture, to think rational and not to over worry for things beyond my control. I choose to define my very own 'happiness', to treasure yesterday, to live in today and to dream of tomorrow.

Happy New Year everyone! Thank you for spending time to read this entry.

A prayer on the eve of an anniversary

Walking down the memory lane

The path is MasyaAllah so beautiful and lovely

Even though some lanes unleash old pain

Others are mostly pictures of happy stories

Nine years ago on this very same date

Fate made two persons united from classmates as soul mates

At first it was wierd living with a friend as husband and wife

Alhamdulillah for the good things bestowed upon our life

Neither a second of regret nor bore

We are indeed embarassed to ask for more

But, for the sake of a better tomorrow

Please Allah, hear our prayers as we renew our vow

O' Allah,

Allow us to create many more memorable lanes in the years to come

Shower us, our parents, family, friends and the muslimin with love in Islam

Grant us the patience to survive dunya in Iman

Bless our souls with mercy in Barzakh wa Akhirah fil Jannah

Ameen

Happy 9th Anniversary to us

5-12-2012

Gloomy

Why...why...why am I having this down moment?  Could this be the Monday Blues Syndrome? If that is so...oh my, I have not experienced this for a long time. Today is one of those days of tiresome and exhaustion even before the day starts. The drizzle rain made the gloomy day dark and it is not helping at all. It was 0900hr and am still at the studio in pyjamas. How I wish for a full body massage with lavender scented essential oil to get those stiff muscle straightened and relaxed especially around the scapula. O' Allah please don't misunderstood me...Alhamdulillah it rains and thank you Allah for giving me another day to live and worship you. But, I am feeling so down and sleepy, my eyes are sore and my shoulder aches.  Like it or not, I dragged myself off the warm comfy bed and by 12 noon I forced myself to school.  

I took a glance look at the 'to-do list'. The three things listed for today were - continue writing the Introduction chapter of the thesis (supposed to be done this morning when I was busy in bed); meeting on funding for the second study with the supervisors, and finalise the SSI form for hospital R&D application. Frankly speaking, there was no sense of excitement at all...my brain just froze. Dong...Dong...The bell from the red church on Tavistock Street strikes two. O' dear Allah, it is already 1400hr - half of my day has gone unproductive. 

While I am typing this entry, there was 6 people in the research centre including me. Everyone (except me) seems busy - the only music is the sound produced from pressing the computer keyboards, papers being flipped and clipped, and water boiling from the coffee corner. It is so quite, so bored and very depressing. I wanted to shout and scream to force the air molecules to vibrate and produce some real noise! So I stood up, open my mouth wide and sang my heart out "I believe I can FLY... I believe I can TOUCH the SKY...Flip my wings and FLY AWAY...to where my heart wants to STAY". Oh yeah that was a relief!

"O dear! Kc...you can sing?"

"I can do many awkward things when I'm stressed"

 I am missing home...I am missing him

Couples

My oyster card remained empty for almost a week. Within this period I travel to and back from school on foot - 20 to 30 minutes walk each route depending on my speed of the day. Why am I doing this? Perhaps for three main reasons. First - the 1hour 'walking time'  gives the mind some space to think in a relaxing environment.  Second, it contributes to an extra 1 hour to the existing I2 hours 'off the bed and work station' and third...saves £52 of this month's pocket from public transport. I would say a reasonably good healthy deal ;)

It took me 2 days to push away the regrets of not topping up the Oyster and to put away the thoughts of 'this is taking me forever'! However from day 3 onwards, I become addicted - I look forward every morning and late evening for a brisk walk. I truely enjoy the walk in the breezy wind (and sometimes friendly English rain), no sweat (yes! the perfume and deodorant sweet scent stay the whole day) and the one  thing I enjoy most is watching people on the streets. I came across a few funny scenes like what we usually see in movies - a young lady lifting her mini skirt to pull up the thermal stokings at the bus stop infront of Maddan Tussaud; a man with an umbrella that just simply flips sides one windy rainy morning - just like Mathew Popins (instead of Marry popins)!

There is one particular behaviour I have been observing - how couples at different age walk and talk on the streets. Couples who giggles alot and 'hug-walking' as if the whole world has paused for them are generally the very young.  I prefer not to walk behind them when approaching narrow pavement  for the sake of reserving precious time. They look cute but far from romantic. The second type of couple holds take away coffee, the male usually tucks a newspaper under the armpit, and the female - ooo love that heels! I have to jog to catch up withnthem because they dont walk... they march side by side, stop at a point, then turn, exchange hugs and kisses and in a split second turn away in seperate directions and dissapear. One goes down the underground station, the other elswhere. Well, perhaps this is the couple of a long term relationship with career commitments. They look smart and dress decently...but hey, seriously take a break.

The couples in the third category is the elderly. They walk arm in arm peacefully and wait patiently for each other to take one step at a time. "Are you cold honey, take my jacket" ... "Thank you dear,  but I'm fine"... "Tell me if you need it"... "Sure, don't worry about me". They must have shared their whole life together. They look so sweet, so calm and so romantic. No kisses no huggies but their touch around each other's arm is so forever loving.

If I am a politician

Isn't the lady in this picture pretty? That was me working at the pharmacy a few years ago. Do you believe this claim? Better not because it is not true (Gotcha sleepy head!). The only truth is I am a Pharmacist (no joke). However, since I graduated in 2002, there was only one person who assured me that I have chosen the right profession and she was my lecturer (the opinion could be bias). The majority of my friends and family members thought otherwise. Out of ten polls on opinions of what type of profession would my personality fit in, six claimed that I should have been an academician, two said I might better off be a politician and one each for lawyer and in marketing field respectively. Not even a single vote for either doctor, nurse or dentist..and what more pharmacist. Ouch! How heart breaking...4 years of undergraduate and currently halfway struggling postgraduate study in 'Pharmacy' I have yet to hear someone to tell me that I work close to any profession oin the medical field. Last week, a stanger I met at Heathrow airport made a guess that I was an architecture student! Oh dear, so far away from my league, I wonder what type of art she saw in me. Do you think increasing my sample size would have given a different result? I am not convinced because the opinions have been the same for the past 10 years.

In view of the high possibility of Malaysia having the general election any time this year, in this entry I would like to write about what I wish to do if I am a poltician - the Minister of Women, Family and Community Development. Now, now Malaysian friends...be kind not to relate me with any 'cow' scandals. Lets see if you still think I should be a poltician rather than a pharmacist by the end of this article:

If I am given the oppotunity to play the role as the Minister of Women, Family and Community Development; I would like to fight for flexible working schedule working schedule for female employees. Before we proceed, this is my disclaimer: I do not have education background in political or social science, most of my points are from my personal observation and what I read from the internet and not representing any political parties. 

Current scenario: Women are multitaskers - career women 0800-1700hr, mother and wife 24hr. An early start at 0500hr to get the kids ready for school (or nursery for infants) then race towards the highway before 0700hr in order to get ahead of the traffic jam. Later on, rush to fetch the kids  within the one hour lunch break and back to office for the remaining hours. Later in the evening, got trapped in the traffic for almost an hour or two before reaching home, exhausted.  The responsibility continues to have dinner ready, oversee children's homework, get bits and pieces of household errands done before a bedtime (which may be interupted by wailing baby cries). The routine repeats itself on the following day. Owh wait...there could be some urgent office work to be completed at home at night. Some of us may argue - husbands would do halve of the tasks, there is a maid to get things done, school buses and day care to handle the kids after school. The truth is, not everyone can afford such luxury (even though these have become neccesities nowadays).  Eventhough we may have all the above mentioned support - there is still insufficient quality time for love ones by the end of the day. The nature of our work could be different but however, if it is well planned ahead we may have the chance to have a big chunk done from home - effectively!

Ideas: Flexible working schedule for female employee.  This option is available but is not open to all sectors.  

Possible ways for implementation: Option for  flexible salary scheme (by number of working hours OR number of days working at home with a designated period in a year) which comes with performance and quality indicators. This option should be opened to all through a proper application and carefully selected candidates; perhaps some interviews and refelection of previous performance. Applicants who deem suitable for the scheme will be given a trial period and those who manage to perform within this period will be given the option as to whether they would like to continue with the scheme. The scheme is not permenant and can be withdrawn if they do not performe up to expectation.

Why should we have this: Having this idea in place, employers pay for the amount of hours being committed and the female employees have the flexibility to manage thier career and family life. I strongly believe that happy women build happy families; happy families create good foundation for successful generation and a successful generation is the hope of our nation!

I acknowldege that it easier to write on paper than having it implemented...but why not give a try. If this is made available, are you not tempted to participate? I would!